Shattered
by Dotti55
Summary: LxLight, Yaoi. Light has managed to get his hands on another Death Note that threatens to shatter the life he has with L. How will it affect him now that he is no longer a bored teen and has a new life with L?  How will L get it away from him?


Hello readers! This is a one shot that just burst out of my mind as I was working on the new LxLight story now that "Putting it all Together" has wrapped. This is also an LxLight story, but different from the one I was working on. What if Light did somehow manage to put his hands on another Death Note? Exactly how would it change him now that he's older, more mature and boredom isn't a factor. More importantly, how will L handle it?

This is in my universe I've created with "Something to Think About" and "Together". I would place it after "Together". Here's hoping you enjoy and please let me know what you think! Hugs!

Shattered

Chapter One

It had been a while since he had toured over this area, but the last time had been incredibly eventful and had alleviated the boredom he was constantly subjected to. This was the reason he had decided to return to this area, his boredom had climbed to epic proportions once again.

He was taking a chance, he had caused so much havoc the last time that many of his kind were still talking about what he had begun in the human world, and it had been strongly suggested he not do anything like that again, no matter how amusing it had been. It hadn't been the first time a Death Note had appeared in the human world, but it certainly was the first time it had been used as Light Yagami had used it. Usually the humans who found one used it to clear personal vendettas, get rid of hated relatives and then destroyed it so it would never be found and anyone would know what they did. But Yagami had turned it into something Ryuk had never seen before, tried to run the entire human world with and then eventually wanted to rule it, brining Ryuk more entertainment than he could have ever imagined.

But that came to an abrupt end when Light changed his mind, because he had found love. Ryuk sneered at the thought but then laughed to himself at the situation. Not only had Light found love, but he had found it with the one person sworn to find him and stop his murderous rampage. That had been a source of both aggravation and mirth for Ryuk, what were the chances that would happen?

So suddenly his time of glee was shut down, and he lost his Death Note as Light's love had taken it and hidden it somewhere he couldn't even find and he had been trying. But now it had been several years after the fact and Ryuk once again wanted to stir things up, see if he could somehow repeat how much fun he had with Light. He had gone to the second Shinigami who had been involved in everything but she had decided it was not worth the aggravation for a little excitement. Rem had begun to care for the other person who had received a Death Note, and she spent her time now watching over her and making sure no harm came to her. She warned Ryuk that if his new actions caused her charge any grief, she would come after him. He had chuckled at her threat, there was very little she could do to him; as far as he knew there was only one way to kill a Shinigami and it certainly wasn't anything she could do to him.

He had decided to try to find some of the players in the original drama, perhaps even Light himself, and leave the Death Note in a conspicuous area to be found by them. He knew something exciting would come out of it, and he only wanted a little diversion, he wasn't asking for the world wide chaos that had happened before, but one could hope.

Matsuda pulled into the parking garage for the NPA building and reluctantly shut off the engine and with it the heat. It was definitely winter and it was making itself known. There was at least two inches of snow on the ground and hidden ice underneath, some of which caused the young detective to do a little dance outside his apartment building as he attempted to get to his car without falling down.

He climbed out of the car, locking it behind him, when he became acutely aware of being watched. He carefully looked around, trying to look between parked cars and in shadows to see who it was. Just as he was beginning to think perhaps he was just being jumpy he heard a laugh that he hadn't heard in several years, and it made his skin crawl.

"Well, you're not who I was looking for, but this might be even better!" A raspy loud voice boomed through the garage and Matsuda frantically looked around, knowing exactly who that voice belonged to and not wanting to believe it.

"Ryuk! Where are you and what do you want?" he demanded looking everywhere trying to find that voice. Ryuk burst into laughter again and floated down from above where he had been watching down into Matsuda's line of vision, causing the detective to gasp and fall back against his car.

"What the hell are you doing here again, and why can I see and hear you, I haven't touched the Death Note in years!"

"As long as the Death Note exists your having touched it still makes you able to see me. Consider it a bonus."

"What do you want? Are you about to cause another problem?" be demanded reaching for his gun. Ryuk laughed again and shook his head.

"You can 't shoot me, detective so don't waste your time. Besides, I'm just here to offer you something." Matsuda's eyes narrowed in distrust as he brought his hand back out of his jacket.

"I wouldn't want anything you had to offer." He stated and Ryuk laughed again as he pulled out the Death Note. Matsuda's eyes widened in horror and he backed away.

"If that's what you're here for, forget it, go back to where you came from. How did you find it, I thought L had it well hidden?

"Oh this is a different one, I haven't been able to locate my old one but that's no matter. It wasn't really mine, anyway, and neither is this one actually. Some shinigami are just so careless with their Death Notes." He cackled again, throwing his head back in glee.

"Just take it back to whoever you got it from, I don't want any part of it!" Matsuda said and turned to walk away.

"Aw, that's a shame. Well, I'll just leave it here, someone will want it." He said and dropped it on the ground, "Who knows? Maybe someone will find it and do something exciting with it!" He laughed again and flew up towards the ceiling, passing through it and out of sight.

"WAIT! Take this thing back! Ryuk!" Matsuda yelled and growled in frustration. He stared at the hateful notebook lying on the ground and tried to decide what to do with it. He couldn't walk away and leave it there, what if someone like Higuchi found it and started to kill thousands of people again, even though he just didn't want to put his hands on it. He sighed deeply and decided he had to, he'd take it and make sure it got to L so he could dispose of it as he had the first one, that was the best way to handle it.

He unlocked his car and reached into the glove compartment, finding several evidence bags and grabbed one. He dug around further and found some gloves that he used when picking up evidence so not to contaminate it. He then reached down and picked up the notebook, holding it by its edges, and dropped it into the evidence bag.

He walked to the front of the building, removing the gloves and dropping them into a trash barrel, not wanting to even touch them afterwards. He went over his options to make sure he was doing the right thing. The only person he could tell about this was Light, it had never been reported how Kira had done his killings, to keep widespread panic. They had made their reports to the NPA and ICPO and most of them had not readily believed it, so he knew there was no point of turning it in. Yes, his first idea of getting it to L was the best. He'd give it to Light, he'd make sure L got it. He decided to talk it over with the Deputy Director first, just to back up his plan.

L watched Light from the doorway of his office with an amused expression and sipping coffee as Light ran around making sure he had everything he needed as he finished getting ready for work.

"You have no one but yourself to blame for your tardiness," he said smiling, "Had you not been so adamant in joining me in the shower.." Light stopped moving long enough to smirk at L as he slipped on his suit jacket.

"I don't remember hearing you protest at all," he said , "You could have said no." L laughed.

"That would not have been in my best interest, besides I have no place to be at any particular time." Light walked back over to him and took the raven-haired detective into his arms.

"I regret nothing, it was a spectacular way to start my day." He leaned down and kissed L passionately before pulling away and heading for the door.

"I'll call later if I get a chance, I love you." He said picking up his keys and opening the door.

"Light, your coat, its November!" L cautioned and put his coffee down as he walked to a nearby door, which revealed a closet. He pulled out a dark blue heavy coat and scarf and walked over to Light, helping him put it on and wrapping the scarf around his neck. Light reached into the pocket of the coat and pulled out gloves.

"Thank you, I wouldn't have noticed I didn't have it until I froze my ass off as I ran for the train." He said laughing and L nodded.

"Yes and that would have been most unfortunate. You may go now, before you are later than you already are." He said and Light stole another quick kiss before running out of the door.

L turned and walked back to his office, coffee in hand again, and walked over to where Watari always laid out his sweets. He took his time picking out just what he wanted, a particular large slice of chocolate cream pie getting his attention. He then sat down at his desk to begin his day and couldn't help smiling to himself. Light was right, it had been a spectacular way to start the day.

Light ran to the elevator, cursing himself for being so late, and knowing his father would probably give him hell for it. Well, he was never late, he was allowed one wasn't he? He smiled to himself as he remembered why he was late and he wouldn't have passed that up for the world. He was constantly surprised by his intimate life with L, sex just seemed to get better and better, and now that they were entertaining L's sudden interest in some of the more "interesting" things, he never knew what was going to happen. He was grinning so widely when he got off the elevator that he knew he must look ridiculous so he made himself stop thinking about L as he got the door of the squad room.

He stopped before entering, as he was sure he heard his name and he wanted to wait and see what was being said before he walked in.

"So where is Mr. Perfect Matsuda? I didn't think he did anything wrong and now he's actually late for work. And now that you've been partners for a while, what's it like working with someone so perfect?" one of the voices asked, and Light recognized as one of the older detectives, Fujiwara.

"Don't call him that, he doesn't think of himself that way, and he's like any one of us to work with."

"Really? I would have thought it would feel different, you know, basking in all of his glory." The other said laughing, "Or you'd be fighting off advances. Does he keep his hands to himself?" he laughed again and another chimed in.

"Can't make the Deputy Director happy knowing he's gone one of them as a son, especially since he's so damned perfect in everything else."

"Stop it, you're being ridiculous." Light heard Matsuda say, "Stay out of Light's private life."

"Speaking of, how about that guy he's with, that..what's the name..oh yes, Ryuzaki. Now that's a weird one, isn't he? What is he, anyway? I understand he's another genius, but you'd think a genius would know how to use a comb!" there was a round of laughter and Light balled his hands into fists as his anger began to burn dangerously. He always knew they talked behind his back, but now they were dragging L into it, making fun of him. He wouldn't stand for that, they couldn't be allowed to get away with it. He took a deep breath and stormed into the office.

"Look, if you're going to talk like a bunch of old women go do it somewhere I can't hear it," Matsuda was saying angrily, "Light is my partner, and most importantly he is my friend and I'm not listening to any more of this crap about him or Ryuzaki who is also my friend. So just knock it off, guys." He stopped abruptly when he saw Light storm into the office. Light marched directly to the several detectives who were standing together, who all now registered surprise and a couple of them, embarrassment.

"I can't stop you from letting your childish egos getting the better of you and accusing me of things I have not done, or do not do. But I will stop you when you begin dragging down the people I love into this mess with me. You will never bring Ryuzaki into this type of discussion again, he has done nothing to any of you and does not deserve it, is that understood?" Light's voice had been quiet, softer than any of them could remember hearing it, but the look in his eyes let them know he was deadly serious. Light felt Matsuda touch his elbow and he pulled it back, staring directly at Fujiwara.

"Look, Light we were just blowing a little steam, that's all. Everyone here knows you've earned everything you've achieved.."

"That's not the question, Fujiwara. I know I have earned what I have achieved, I worked like a dog to get through school and the NPA over the past two years to get where I am. I do not have to answer or explain myself to anyone. The issue is bringing Ryuzaki into this, and my relationship with him. I know not everyone agrees with our lifestyle and you have that right, but you do not have to right to talk badly about him, and I will not allow that. Is that understood?" The detectives looked at each other and then back at him.

"Look, we didn't mean any harm.."

"Is that understood?" Light nearly yelled and they nodded. There was something in Light's eyes that was unnerving and Fujiwara decided it was best not to push it.

Matsuda touched Light's elbow again and this time Light turned to look at him. Matsuda gestured to the hallway and Light followed him out of the room.

"I'm sorry you heard any of that, Light. Sometimes they're just like a bunch of old, gossipy women, they talk about everyone, and usually it's me."

"They have no right to say anything about Ryuzaki, or our relationship!," Light said angrily, "I've ignored it long enough while they were talking about me but now they're dragging Ryuzaki into this and I won't stand for that." Matsuda nodded.

"I don't think they really mean any harm they're just idiots and they're jealous, Light. They used to make fun of me all the time, talking about how stupid they thought I was. Besides, I've got something more important to talk to you about. Come on, let's go see the Deputy Director." He ushered Light down the hall away from the squad room and towards his father's office.

When they arrived, Soichiro was expecting them and they were ushered in immediately. He assumed he was going to get reamed about being late and was grateful for Matsuda's presence, maybe his father would go easy on him if he wasn't alone.

The minute they opened the door to his father's office he could feel something was terribly wrong, something more than his being late. That and the fact that both he and Matsuda looked like they had lost their best friend. His stomach dropped suddenly, there was only one thing he knew of that could make them look that way that involved him.

"Dad what's wrong? Has something happened to Ryuzaki? How could it I just left.." His father shook his head.

"No, nothing's wrong with Ryuzaki. But you will probably want to call him as soon as I tell you what the problem really is." He motioned for Light to come closer to his desk before picking up an evidence bag and dropping it in front of him.

Light's eyes grew huge as he recognized what was lying on the desk. He jumped away from it so quickly he nearly knocked over the chair in front of it. He stared at it and then up at his father and Matsuda.

"How did you find this? L had it hidden away..?" he stammered.

"It's a different one, Light. Ryuk dropped it in front of me." The horror only got bigger in Light's expression. Ryuk was back and he dropped another Death Note, this was worse than any nightmare he'd ever had.

"Matsuda brought it to me immediately after the Shinigami dropped it. We believe the best thing to do is for you to give it to Ryuzaki and have him dispose of it like he did the other."

Light tried to find his voice as he stared down at the notebook in front of him. He found it hard to breathe and he fought to keep calm. That notebook represented everything he could have lost, what he had done and could have done if L hadn't stopped him. He swallowed and nodded.

"Okay, I'll take it to him." He reached down with his gloved hand and gingerly picked up the notebook and slid it into the inside pocket of his coat.

"If you wish to take it now I'll authorize the time," Soichiro offered and Light shook his head.

"No, I'm already late getting here, it will just give them something else to talk about if I turn around and leave without working on a case," he said, "It won't matter if I wait until the end of the day to give this to L." His father nodded and sat at his desk.

"I don't mind telling you I'm happy to get that off of my desk. Brings back far too many bad memories." Light sighed and nodded.

"Yes, it does," He agreed, although he knew his father really had no idea just how bad.

"Well, as you say, you're late, so you better get to your desk," Soichiro told him, "It will be time for the morning meeting soon." and Light nodded and left the office with Matsuda beside him.

For Light the day couldn't move fast enough. All he wanted to do was get the notebook out of his coat pocket and safely into L's hands. The idea of having a Death Note so close to him made him nervous, and it itched at the back of his mind like an annoying mosquito buzzing around him. He had decided against calling L and telling him about it, it would only upset him and there was no reason to do that as he was upset enough for the two of them. He made himself not think about it any more and concentrate only on his cases.

When the time came for him to clock out, he decided he didn't want to take the chance of accidentally touching the notebook with his bare hands. He didn't know if it would affect him since it wasn't his notebook, but he didn't want to take the chance. He waited until the other detectives had left, two of them making comments about making up time, and then got up to retrieve his coat and brought it back to his desk. He slid the evidence bag out of his pocket and placed it on his desk.

"Scary to think what that can do, isn't it?" Matsuda asked from behind him as he slipped on his own coat. Light nodded and sighed.

"Definitely scary. I don't even want to touch it through the plastic." He said and Matsuda patted his shoulder.

"At least you know he'll take proper care of it and no one else will get their hands on it. Good-night, Light." Light wished him the same and turned back to the notebook on his desk. He stood up and turned to put his coat on, not comfortable with the familiar pull he was feeling looking at it; he had to get it to L immediately. Just as he reached for it another hand grabbed it, and he was suddenly face to face with Ryuk. He cried out and stumbled backwards against Matsuda's desk.

Ryuk laughed at Light's reaction and then dumped the notebook out of the evidence bag.

"Didn't mean to startle you like that, Light, but we're old friends I didn't think seeing me would affect you that way," he laughed again and held the Death Note out to Light who backed away from it.

"Why are you doing this, Ryuk? I want nothing to do with you or that thing!" he hissed and Ryuk laughed again.

"That's not exactly true though, is it Light? I have never known anyone who took to the Death Note like you did, I know you feel it's pull." Light looked down at the notebook and closed his eyes. He brought L's face to his mind and furiously shook his head.

"That notebook doesn't have any pull on me, it isn't even mine." He said buttoning his coat and picking up the evidence bag, "Put it back in the bag, I'm taking it to L so he can get rid of it."

"Aw, c'mon do you really want to do that? You, who wanted to take over the world? You're just gonna hand it over to someone without even using it just once?"

"NO I'm not going to use it. It almost got me killed, almost made me kill the people I love, I don't want to ever touch it!" Light snapped back.

"I would have never believed that Kira would be afraid of the notebook," Ryuk said staring at Light, his eyes glowing eerily as he spoke, "The Light I knew had more confidence and more power than that! L's taken everything out of you and made you his lapdog I guess!" he said and laughed again

"You can't get to me that way, Ryuk I know that isn't true. You're not going to goad me into anything."

"You're so afraid of it that you have to wrap it in plastic, Light? Why? You still have all of your memories of being Kira, you haven't given up ownership of the other notebook otherwise you wouldn't be able to see me. What are you so afraid of?" He held up the notebook and waved it at Light.

"I'm not afraid of it, I just don't want to deal with it anymore. Now get out of my office and stay the hell away from me! Give me the damned notebook!" he shouted, and without thinking he snatched the notebook from Ryuk's hand.

It was a subtle feeling he noticed while he was holding the notebook. It wasn't like when he had given up ownership and touched it again, the painful onslaught of memories nearly ripping him in half. It was nothing like that, it was more like being infused with sudden energy, as if he'd just drank a really strong cup of coffee or an energy drink.

He stared at the notebook in his hand then dropped it on his desk as if it had burned him recoiling at Ryuk's laughter. He couldn't believe he had actually touched it, and trembled from the fear of wondering what it would do to him.

"I'll be seeing ya," he cackled and disappeared through the wall.

Light didn't follow the Shinigami's departure, he continued to stare at the notebook, holding his fingers that had touched it. Ryuk appeared to be right about one thing, touching it didn't seem to affect him. If anything he felt calmer now that he had, proving to himself that he was still in control. There were no thoughts of being Kira, of wanting to be a god and as he closed his eyes and searched himself, he still loved L more than anything in the world. He released a shaky sigh and smiled. Perhaps when he brought the notebook to L they could discuss exactly what to do with it instead of just automatically getting rid of it. Now that his and L's fears of what it would do to him were dispelled, perhaps another plan was available.

He picked it up and stuck it back into his coat without the evidence bag and left his office. As he journeyed home all he could think about was the notebook. He was no longer a delusional bored teenager wanting to be a god, he was a man with a life and a future and he suddenly understood what the true usage of this notebook could be. He had to take it to L and discuss it with him, L would understand. It wasn't about taking over the world, it wasn't about just killing anyone who he didn't think was worthy, it was about truly doling out the proper justice to those who thought they'd gotten away with it. There was a big difference between what he used to do and what he could do now.

It might be hard making L understand but he would eventually, if he presented it properly. This could be something else they could share together, L would like that, at least he thought he would. He frowned as he walked out of the subway station towards their building.

But what if L didn't agree with him, he could be so stubborn when he wanted to. It didn't matter, L would see reason, he'd make him see it or serious actions would have to be taken.

L was in his office when Light arrived home, the panel shut tight. The rule was that he was not to be disturbed when that panel was closed and Light had always respected that. But today was different, he thought as he removed his coat and hung it up in the closet. What he had to discuss with him was extremely important, whatever case he was working on would have to wait. He put the Death Note inside his suit jacket pocket and opened the panel without bothering to knock.

L was in the middle of a conversation with someone onscreen as Light came in. L frowned his disapproval and continued with his conversation, Light sat down in what was designated his chair and spun around staring at L as he talked. He could feel L's disapproval escalating into anger and he braced himself knowing in the end it would be worth it.

When L finished his conversation he turned on Light, his dark eyes reflecting the anger he was feeling, but he said nothing. He stood up and walked to the door, going through it to the living room, forcing Light to follow him. When they were in the middle of the room he turned his fury on his partner.

"What the hell are you doing? ' he hissed at Light, his voice low but deadly cold, " had you made any sound you would have destroyed months of work having that contact trust me. It was imperative he thought we were alone, there is no excuse for this behavior!"

"I'm not stupid, L I know better than to make noise, but we have something really important to talk about." He told him but it didn't calm L's anger. He turned quickly and headed back to his office, conversation obviously over.

"L you have to listen," Light called after him, "L we need to talk!" when L didn't even slow down, Light slammed his fist on the coffee table and yelled, "You will not walk away from me!" L came to an abrupt halt and turned to face Light. That was so unlike him no matter what had happened that he walked quickly back to him, concern replacing the anger on his face.

"Light, what has happened to make you behave this way?" he asked and Light took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair.

"I..I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that, it's just that I really need to talk to you right now and I really need for you to listen to me." He tried to explain as L looked at him carefully. He stared into the honey colored eyes and was slightly unnerved by what he saw there. He and Light had always been able to communicate with their eyes, they were so attuned to each other, but now he couldn't see anything there, not a clue to what was wrong.

Light stared back at him, aware of a kind of buzzing in his mind that wouldn't leave him alone, it was like an idea that was trying to get through to him but he kept it at bay and smiled at L.

"But before we get into what we need to talk about, I need to prove a point." He reached up and placed his hand behind L's head, bringing him closer and until their lips met. L's eyes flew open the minute their lips touched. He normally closed his eyes, allowing him to lose himself in the moment with Light and completely enjoy the connection. But there was something wrong with this kiss, it was harsh, cold and almost brutal. There was no true affection in this kiss, more like he felt he had to kiss him. Light pulled away from him, and smiled again, stroking L's face with his finger tips.

"I still love you, L." he said softly and for just a moment there was a flicker in his eyes that L recognized, before it was gone again.

"What do you mean, "still"?" L asked and Light reached into his suit pocket.

"Still, in spite of touching this, I still love you." He pulled out the Death Note and dropped it on the coffee table.

L couldn't believe what he was looking at, he heard what sounded like thunder going off in his head, and his chest constricted as if he were indeed having a heart attack. He almost lost his balance as he felt the strength leave his legs. He looked up and stared into Light's smiling face in horror, and now he understood the difference in him, even his face seemed strained and harder than normal.

"Where did this come from and why do you have it?" he whispered almost afraid to ask.

"Apparently Ryuk is back in town and dropped it off in front of Matsuda," Light said casually, "Matsuda in turn took it to my dad who then gave it to me to bring to you for disposal."

"Why did you touch it, Light, why?" Light sat down on the couch and crossed his legs, a smirk on his face that L hadn't seen in years.

"Well at first I was afraid to, from everything you'd told me I thought it would turn me back into Kira, but as you can see, that hasn't happened. Ryuk had taken it back and I snatched it from him without thinking. But L, as you can see, I haven't changed, everything's the same."

"That's a lie, Light and if you stopped and thought about it you'd know it. You have changed, I can see it in your eyes and I felt it when you kissed me. I have to destroy this notebook before it gets worse!" he reached down for the notebook but Light grabbed it first and held it away from him.

"Why must we destroy it? What I wanted to talk to you about was how we could use it together, the right way." It was L's turn to get angry and he yelled at Light.

"THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY! You know that Light, you know that! Give me that notebook!" Light shook his head, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

"No, not until you listen to me, L. Please just listen. I'm not Kira, I don't want to take over the world, I have no delusions of godhood. I'm just about the justice…"

"There is no justice in the Death Note, Light, please give it to me!" L pleaded, feeling his heart breaking within him, he was losing his Light again.

"L, please listen. Remember before I used to kill people in jail, I know that's wrong now. They're paying their debt to society, they're off limits. As are people who have already paid their debt, I understand that's also wrong. People who I just killed because I thought they were wasting their lives, that was so wrong L, I know that now. But I propose we use it for those who have managed to escape their judgments somehow, either they've escaped from jail or they got out on a technicality. That's justice, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't, Light. And you know as well as I do that once that power gets back into you, it will be more and more difficult for you to differentiate. You will lose focus and you will lose yourself completely. I can't allow that to happen, Light, I will stop you." He fought the tears that were tearing at him, he had to stay focused, he had to get Light to give him that notebook.

"Why are you being so stubborn, why can't you just entertain the idea?" Light asked getting up and walking towards L, "You're not being fair!"

L waited until Light was directly in front of him, holding the notebook against his chest.

"Please listen to me Light and just give me the notebook." Light shook his head again.

":Not until you say you'll at least think about what I'm saying," he said and L sighed.

"I'm sorry Light but I will never entertain the idea of using that notebook." He said, and leaned back on one leg, and spun around planting the other foot directly onto Light's chest, making him fly backwards and land against the wall, the Death Note flying out of his hands and onto the floor. L reached down and picked it up, then went to the intercom.

"Watari, I need you to find a secure container. We have another Death Note." There was silence for a moment before Watari answered.

"Yes, I'll be there immediately." He finally said and L turned to look at Light who was still lying on the floor. He walked over to him and knelt by him, and ran his hands through his hair.

"As soon as this one is destroyed you will be alright." He whispered and Light groaned as he sat up.

"There is nothing wrong with me!" he said and then unexpectedly drew back and punched L hard enough to make him fall backwards on the floor, slightly dazed. Light then leapt on him, grabbing the notebook and leaping up to his feet. L pulled himself up, a small trail of blood trickling from his mouth. He got up and ran at Light, grabbing him by the front of his jacket and pulling him against him.

"I know you're still in there Light, you have to fight this. You have to realize that this is insanity, no matter how reasonable it seems. Give me that notebook!" Light lifted his leg and kneed L, making him release him and double over in pain.

"No, it is not insane to want to make sure criminals are brought to justice, you and I both work for this every single day," Light told him as he leaned over him, "If there's a way to guarantee that no one walks free who shouldn't, I don't understand why you won't use it! Why are you making me hurt you, why won't you just listen?"

L pulled himself to his knees, still gasping for breath from the pain. He raised his head and stared at Light, the tears freely falling now. He also noticed that there were tears falling down Light's face, a clear sign that he was trying to fight the notebook.

"Please tell me you haven't used it yet, please Light," he begged and Light shook his head.

"Not yet, I wanted to share it with you before I did anything and you just won't listen to me, why won't you just listen?"

"I can't listen to you, there is nothing to listen to. The Death Note needs to be destroyed, you cannot use it, I cannot allow you to use it. If you do, Light I will be forced to turn you in. I cannot let you get away with it a second time."

"How could you even think of turning me in, don't you love me?" Light cried.

"You know how much I love you, Light, but this is wrong you know inside this is wrong. If you insist on using that notebook, then make my name the first one you write down because if you force me to turn you in, I will die anyway."

Light stared at L in shock. How could he possibly write L's name down, he loved L, but he was making everything so difficult. He reached up and felt the tears on his own face. Why was he crying about this, his path was clear. He wanted L to work with him, he loved L, but if he didn't agree then he would have to eliminate him, especially if he threatened to turn him in, it was just that simple. L had stopped him before, and he refused to let him do it again, no matter how much he loved him. He reached inside his jacket for a pen and opened the notebook, but there was something that kept him from writing his name down, that buzzing in his head that just wouldn't stop, that buzzing that was beginning to sound like screaming.

"Don't make me do this, L, just work with me, please!" he begged again and L shook his head.

"If using that notebook is more important to you than I am, write my name down, Light and do it now."

The door to the apartment opened and Watari walked in quickly, carrying a metal container large enough to put the Death Note into. He looked at the scene in front of him and panic nearly overtook him.

"Light! What are you doing, put that down!" he said walking quickly towards the obviously upset young man.

"Watari stop!", L called to him and he did, staring at his ward kneeling on the floor, "He has to make the decision, don't interfere in any way. If he has decided he wants the notebook again, then he has to kill me."

"But L, he doesn't know what he's doing you know that.." L looked up at Watari, the tears streaming down his face.

"If I've lost him to the Death Note, Watari …" he couldn't finish the sentence, a sob cutting it off.

Light looked down at L and then back up at Watari, his own tears clouding his view.

"Watari he won't listen to me, make him listen to me!" he pleaded and the older man shook his head.

"I can't make L do anything, you must realize that by now. This is all in your hands, Light, you must make the decision." No matter what L said, if it looked as if Light was going to write L's name, he would stop him.

Light stared at them both, the screaming in his head getting louder by the second. He brought the pen to the paper, his hand shaking as he did so. As he tried to write the first stroke, the screaming in his head got so loud he dropped them both and put his hands over his ears, falling to his own knees, crying out with the pain. L stood up and ran to him, cradling Light in his arms as Watari ran over and picked up the Death Note dropping it into the container.

"Burn it," L whispered and Watari nodded carrying the container over to the kitchen where he turned on one of the burners on the stove and set the notebook on fire. He dropped it back into the container and watched it flare up.

Light wrapped his arms around L, burying his head into his chest as his sobs overtook him. His eyes closed as he felt as if something snapped inside of his head suddenly, and then his eyes snapped wide open and he stared up into L's face, seeing the blood running from his mouth.

"L….L…what did I do, what did I do to you?" he cried and L shook his head.

"Nothing, it's okay. You fought it and you won." L answered running his hand through Light's hair and staring into his eyes, finally seeing what he needed to see, his Light was back. They sat there, holding each other tightly, both crying and both aware of how close they came to losing everything they had worked so hard for.

When the notebook was finally burned to ashes, Watari closed the container and locked it, not taking any chances. He walked over to the two men holding each other in the middle of the living room and kneeled down in front of them.

"Light, how are you feeling now?" he asked gently and Light lifted his head slightly, too ashamed to look at the older man face-to-face.

"It's gone now. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to touch it, I didn't want to touch it." he answered, tears streaming again.

"I know, Light. What's important is that you were still able to fight it, you didn't write L's name down even while under it's influence." Light clutched L tighter with just the thought.

"I don't really remember everything, I just remember trying to stop myself, screaming for me to stop. L…" L shook his head, and smiled at him.

"You don't have to say anything, it's over now, and it will never happen again." There was a sudden burst of laughter from above them and Ryuk dropped down from above, landing directly in front of them.

"Well, at least it was amusing for a while before you ruined it," he said staring at Watari.

"Get out Ryuk, the notebook is destroyed you have nothing holding you here," L told him, holding even more tightly to Light as he had reacted badly to hearing Ryuk's voice.

"Yea, you're right about that. It's really too bad you let this guy change you Light, we used to have so much fun." he laughed again and flew out of the room, his cackle echoing behind him.

L looked down at Light when he suddenly felt his weight shift heavily against him and found that he had passed out.

"Watari help me, he's passed out!" he called and Watari reached over and picked up Light as L pulled himself up off the floor. They carried him to the bedroom and Watari went to get him something to drink. L lifted him to remove his jacket, undid his tie, and then lifted his head, then sat down on the bed next to him. He ran his fingers through Light's hair, glad to see his features had softened and smoothed.

Watari brought over the glass of water and placed it on the table before them, and put a hand on L's shoulder, feeling the slight tremors from him.

"He'll be fine L, it was just pure exhaustion that did this. I think he was fighting it the whole time, I think when he put his hands over his ears before he fell to his knees it was because of that fight." L nodded and smiled down at Light.

"I think the fact that he didn't use it before he could talk to me was more of Light trying to get to me for help more than anything else, as well. Light is stronger now than he was before."

Light stirred next to him, his eyes opening wide and calling his name as he tried to sit up.

"Relax, Light it's okay, it's over." He told him and Light stopped, reaching up to touch L's face.

"I'm so sorry I did this to you, " he said tracing the marks of tears on L's face, and the dried blood on his mouth, "I tried to fight it, I really did." Watari picked up the water and had Light sit up so he could drink it.

"Believe me, I know you did, otherwise I'd be dead right now." L said and Light shook his head.

"Please don't even say that." Light said, a tremor going through him as he wrapped himself around L again, afraid to let him go.

"I'll get something for you to eat and some coffee, but first Light, I think you could do with a strong drink." Watari said smiling and Light managed to look up at him and nodded, smiling.

"Yes, I think you're right Watari, thank you." Light said and Watari smiled at him, warmly, letting Light know that everything was indeed all right.

When Watari had given him a glass of brandy and he had taken his first warming sip, Light looked at L who was smiling at him, his tears finally stilled.

"How bad was I? Did I try…" L put his fingers over Light's mouth and shook his head.

"It doesn't matter, Light, it wasn't you and it's over. I doubt very seriously if Ryuk will try this again with us, and if he drops one someplace else and we get involved, you now know for sure that you can't go anywhere near it. This will never happen again, I don't have to worry about you reverting anymore either. You're stronger than that." He leaned down and kissed Light, Light's arms coming around him and holding him tightly. When they broke apart, Light laughed softly and shook his head.

"Can we just be normal now?" he asked and L laughed with him.

"We shall never be completely normal, it would not be us if we did, but I believe this is the last of the out of the ordinary situations for us," he traced Light's features with his fingertips and sighed.

"I don't mind telling you that for just a few minutes today, I really thought my life was over, that I had lost you to the notebook again and if that had been true, I wanted you to write my name down." Light grabbed L's hand and held it against his face.

"I'm so sorry I put you through that, but I'm glad I don't really remember it. I love you, L." he said sadly and L smiled at him.

"We won't discuss it again, we shall put it behind us like we have everything else we have endured and we have learned from. However, I think I need a swallow of that brandy." Light raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure? You don't drink straight alcohol like this." He cautioned.

"Under the circumstances, I am ready to make an exception." Light handed him the glass and L brought it up to his mouth, his nose wrinkling at the smell. Light tried not to laugh as he watched L finally take a small sip and then watched as his pale skin began to color as the alcohol slid down his throat. He looked at Light in horror as he pushed the glass away.

"You drink this on purpose?" he breathed and Light handed him his water glass which L completely drained.

"I did warn you," Light said laughing and L wiped his eyes and coughed.

"Yes, you did, I shall heed your warnings next time." Watari came in pushing his trolley and placed it by their bed.

"There is coffee, your dinner Light, and plenty of things for you, L," he sighed and looked at them both, "I beg you both to remember one thing I had brought to your attention a while back during your little…separation." The looked at each other and then back at him, confusion on both of their faces.

"I warned you both that I was not getting any younger and for you to endeavor to not excite me too much. I trust this will be the last time for this type of excitement?"

L looked at Light and then back at Watari before picking up a slice of cake for the trolley.

"Somehow Watari, although I believe this has been the worst of it, there will be plenty of excitement in our future." Light groaned, upended his brandy, and fell back against the bed, while Watari only shook his head and walked out of the room.

L looked at them both, his head cocked to one side in question, and then continued to eat his cake.


End file.
